Communication is hard. Even at the best of times, we can often fail to convey what we really want to say. Moreover, communication is not a one-person job. To a person who isn’t willing to listen, it doesn’t matter if you scream or whisper; there’s no communicating with someone who has invested absolutely nothing in the conversation. It gets even trickier when we’re in a state of conflict. Fights are emotionally-charged and primed for anger, frustration, and hurt. As such is the case, how do we communicate with someone who is hellbent on misunderstanding and dismissing everything we say?

Here are a couple of things I’ve learned not to do (read: but still do) when trying to communicate during a fight:

1. Do NOT raise your voice
Often, during a fight, you raise your voice in a hopeless attempt to get through to the other person. Understandably, this might just be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. It does not help. Shouting or screaming can seem disrespectful and demeaning and the other person is more likely to withdraw or lash out than really understand you.

2. Do NOT laugh (or, at least, know when to!)
Laughter is easy, comfortable, and can often help defuse emotionally-charged situations before they get too far. We may only be doing it to lighten the situation but more often than not, it tends to look like you’re mocking the seriousness of the issue (whatever it may be) or even the other person.

3. Do NOT stick your tongue out
Honestly, this is pretty self-explanatory: don’t stick your tongue out at a person who’s already red in the cheeks. You’re just setting yourself up for more trouble. Plus, sticking your tongue out at them is probably going to cost you some points for immaturity, if anyone’s counting.

4. Do NOT change the subject (or do so carefully)
A lot of discomfort arises during a fight. As a result, you might want to get it over with as quickly as possible or avoid talking about the matter at hand altogether. An easy way to do that is to change the subject to something less uncomfortable. Some people might welcome a change. Others might not be so accepting as it might seem like you don’t really care about the problem or the other person’s feelings. If you do have to change the subject, do remember that timing is very important!

I hope these help! Of course, they might not be so helpful if you’re dealing with a toddler.

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