Teenagers need privacy. Wanting some time alone could be for a variety of reasons, from seeking comfort to finding your place in the world. Sometimes, privacy means closing the door behind you and escaping into your favorite fantasy. It’s a break from your reality channeled through social media, books, video games, and other idiosyncrasies. The only downside is that wanting this break and pushing it into motion often comes with a cost: an angry parent at your door demanding your presence.
You inevitably become frustrated. All you want is some time alone to yourself. You don’t get why your parent doesn’t understand your need for privacy. You wonder if they just can’t understand or they’re simply refusing to accept it. You yell at them, they yell back at you, and maybe someone breaks into tears. There’s a silent tension in the air until either one of you gives in. More often than not, it’s you. But you don’t really want to compromise.
You wonder, why can’t they just understand?
While it’s true that your parent could take a huge step forward to understand you, there’s some merit to expecting you to do the same. It’s not that your parents are actively working on not understanding you; they don’t want to hurt you. Your parents are navigating a whole new world just like you. The period of adolescence is just as strange to them as it is to you. Closed doors signify emotional distance.
For a parent who has constantly held you in their arms and listened to you babble about all your new friends in school, this can be very difficult to handle. The thought of their beloved child keeping secrets from them is scary and uncomfortable. They need time to get used to your changing persona just as much as you do. Sure, it would be much better if they could do it a little faster or ever but there’s only so much one can do.
Even if nothing ever changes, at least you understand where they’re coming from. If they choose to never understand your needs, you’re still a better person for understanding their perspective. Maybe that doesn’t count for anything when all you want is some privacy and them not understanding you means you don’t get what you want but it sure does make it difficult for you to hate them.
If possible, talk to your parents about your changing needs. You’d be surprised by how much you could gain with just a few words. Tell them why you’d like some privacy every now and then, be receptive to their views, and open that door a little once in a while.
This isn’t to say that closing your door is an absolute no-no; closed doors are amazing. It’s simply the case that open doors build trust like closed doors never can.