Relationships thrive on communication, be it verbal or nonverbal. It nurtures mutual respect and intimacy, cultivating a strong bond between two people. Though parent-child relationships are no exception to this unspoken rule, they usually fare poorly in successful communication. This is not surprising. Parents often take the role of primary caregivers, spending about two decades of their lives caring for their tiny humans. These twenty years would be emotionally supportive, nurturing, and full of love and concern in an ideal world. Realistically, even though parents probably love their children more than anything else in the world, these young ones may not experience their love in the way they intend. As a result, expressing love and building emotional intimacy in the right way is, more often than not, a hard line to walk.

People believe that parent-child relationships are natural as though they do not require effort to strengthen, much less, maintain. It is an easy assumption to make; many parents think that placing food on the table, providing shelter, sending their children to school, and financially supporting their children sets the premise for an emotionally healthy relationship. Often missing from the equation are parents’ efforts to understand their children, emotionally support them, and provide them with a safe space to express their emotions, be it positive or negative. When parents prevent children from safely expressing their emotions, they’re essentially telling their kids that their feelings are not important or valued. This is not to say that parents should allow children to have free rein over displaying aggressive or violent behaviors when they’re upset. The point is to be able to acknowledge the child’s feelings, offer them support and consideration, and provide them with safer avenues to express themselves.

Parents today are surprised when their twenty-something children decide to move far away from home and rarely come back to visit them once or twice a year. Close to the age of retirement, parents believe that it is now their turn to be cared for. Such needs may be met by their children to a degree, primarily through financial routes. However, in a vulnerable period such as that of old age, parents may find having their emotional needs met as important as financial support. When their attempts to emotionally connect with their children go awry, parents are stunned. They deem their children ungrateful. What parents do not realize is that relationships are a two-way street and emotional connections can only be built with efforts from both sides. For parents to expect emotional intimacy with their child when they did not set an example for it themselves is hypocrisy.

Emotional intimacy is not a natural byproduct of a parent-child relationship; it is earned. The parent must set the stage to practice appropriate expression of emotions as well as emotional validation for their yet immature children during their childhood. The earlier, the better. In later years, both parents and children can work together to strengthen emotional intimacy and maintain a good relationship. For parents who were unable to build the emotional connection their children needed when they were young, all is not lost. As long as both parent and child keep an open mind, emotional intimacy can be cultivated. As they say, it’s better late than never!