At some point in your life, you find yourself coming back to a house of solitude. One day, you may pack your bags and leave home to live on your own. Perhaps, this was the day you had always dreamed about or you find yourself dragging your feet, desperately wishing you didn’t have to leave. Maybe it wasn’t a choice you had any control over at all. You’re a little nervous and a little excited at the same time. It’s a huge step and you don’t want anything to go wrong, no matter your choice in the matter.
So, you moved out. What now? You’re living on your own. You come back from work or college to a space of your own. Maybe you haven’t unpacked your bags yet. Maybe you decorated your space the very day you moved in. Whether you acknowledge it or not, that space belongs to you. No one ever tells you that it’s important to make sure your space feels like home when you live on your own.
Then again, people don’t tell you a lot of things about living on your own.
When you move out of home, you’ll start to notice that society seems to assume that life is to be learned and not taught. There’s no one to teach you the ways of the world, most of which are things you are expected to learn on your own. It might even be the case that it never occurs to anyone to give you the answers. So, you move through life blindly, unaware of where you tread. How much easier would it be if someone told you the answers? Unfortunately, that’s just not reality.
The next thing to do would be to ask for help. Even then, you’re met with incredulity and treated with ridicule: how can you not know? This question underlines almost every answer you get when you ask for help with the little things. So, you learn to never ask and just figure it out on your own. You climb the rocky path because it’s the only way up and the grassy path is crowded with people who seem to have found their answers. What we don’t realize is that often, the people on the grassy path don’t really know the answers; they might simply be following the person in front of them.
Maybe, you push away the feelings of embarrassment. Maybe, you’re the awkward one in the room, too shy to ask: how do I call maintenance? How do I fix a broken tap? Where can I find fresh vegetables and how do I know I’m not being cheated of my money? Which bus do I have to take from home to college? What’s a PAN ID? What’s the best place around to get a cup of chai at midnight?
Some might argue that figuring these things out by yourself will help you gain a sense of self-confidence. While I have no grounds to deny that, I also wonder if self-confidence can still be built through a foundation of support. If someone helped you find the ever-elusive IT department in your college, wouldn’t you feel more comfortable adjusting to your new life? If someone gave you the tips and tricks to get admin to respond to you as soon as possible, wouldn’t life just be a little easier? Wouldn’t you be just a little more optimistic about the world? Being supported in small endeavors could set the stage to figure out the answers to bigger questions: is this someone I can trust? How do I make better friends? How can I manage my money so I save more than I spend? How do I cope when life brings me down? What are some things I can do to be happy?
Perhaps, we could be kinder. It really does cost nothing to tell someone the directions to the nearest bus stop.